I found this in a Reader's Digest a while back, but I can totaly say this is completely true. I am a waitress at a local resturant. And I've been a waitress for all of my working life, which is only about a year and a half.

1. Avoid eating out on holidays and Saturday nights. The sheer volume of customers guarantees that most kitchens will be pushed beyond their ability to produce a high-quality dish. Eh, I don't mind this that much, as long as you know that we are busy and are working our hardest to get to you, then it's all good.

2. There are almost never any sick days in the restaurant business. A busboy with a kid to support isn't going to stay home and miss out on $100 because he's got strep throat. And these are the people handling your food. I know this one is gross, but it is true. If a waitress has a bad cough they can't get the day off. You can always tell if I have a cold, my hands are completely dried out and cracked from washing my hands so much.

3. When customers' dissatisfaction devolves into personal attacks, adulterating food or drink is a convenient way for servers to exact covert vengeance. Some waiters can and do spit in people's food. I have never done this, but so wanted to.

4. Never say "I'm friends with the owner." Restaurant owners don't have friends. This marks you as a clueless poseur the moment you walk in the door. Haha, no one has ever done this to me yet. I really don't care if your friends with the owner or not. All that matters is that I'm a good worker and if one person complains about how I do my job, I just get a nice little talking to on how to improve my game. My grandparents know the owner, because he also runs the local Wendy's here, but he didn't even know who my grandparents were when I was hired. Plus he wasn't the one who hired me in the first place, and my manager will be the one who would fire me, thank you very much.

5. Treat others as you want to be treated. (Yes, people need to be reminded of this.) The one thing I really can't stand is rude customers. They put me in a fowl mood and just completely ruins my day.

6. Don't snap your fingers to get our attention. Remember, we have shears that cut through bone in the kitchen. I am not a dog, so wistling and snapping fingers will not get my attention. I will come to you last if this happens. (I've actually thought of getting myself a name tag at the dollar store.

7. Don't order meals that aren't on the menu. You're forcing the chef to cook something he doesn't make on a regular basis. If he makes the same entrée 10,000 times a month, the odds are good that the dish will be a home run every time. I really have nothing to say here but, if I have to go to the supervisor to ask if I can let you do this, just say you will order something else or leave.

8. Splitting entrées is okay, but don't ask for water, lemon, and sugar so you can make your own lemonade. What's next, grapes so you can press your own wine? And don't get angry if I tell you we're out of lemmons!

9. If you find a waiter you like, always ask to be seated in his or her section. Tell all your friends so they'll start asking for that server as well. You've just made that waiter look indispensable to the owner. The server will be grateful and take good care of you. If you want us, we will serve you.

10. If you can't afford to leave a tip, you can't afford to eat in the restaurant. Servers could be giving 20 to 40 percent to the busboys, bartenders, maître d', or hostess. I give a lot to hostesses because I've hosted before at the job I have now. Some of the waitresses are not so nice, so I make up for it, hoping that they make up for it for me making up for bitchy non-tipping servers. Most of the time they do.

11. Always examine the check. Sometimes large parties are unaware that a gratuity has been added to the bill, so they tip on top of it. Waiters "facilitate" this error. It's dishonest, it's wrong-and I did it all the time. We don't place gratuity (tip money) on our larger tickets. Please at least tip 10% if your with a larger group of people. I have smaller groups of people leave me more than larger ones. We have to claim the tax on those you know, and that comes out of our paycheck.

12. If you want to hang out, that's fine. But increase the tip to make up for money the server would have made if he or she had had another seating at that table. I have stuff I need to pay for too you know!

13. Never, ever come in 15 minutes before closing time. The cooks are tired and will cook your dinner right away. So while you're chitchatting over salads, your entrées will be languishing under the heat lamp while the dishwasher is spraying industrial-strength, carcinogenic cleaning solvents in their immediate vicinity. Just to let you know, I don't serve to well this late. I want to go home, and usually it's on a school night when people come in late. I once had a table come in 1 minute before we closed and wanted to eat there. They were nice and appologized a lot for it, so it some-what made me happy.

Wow, what fun, what fun. anyway this is long and I best be going now!

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